


Splishy Splash

by doobler



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Achievement Hunters, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Mermaid, Bad Decisions, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Romance, im so sorry, its horribly indulgent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 03:09:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11175741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doobler/pseuds/doobler
Summary: Forced to take a vacation by his boss, Jeremy finds himself face to face with what is possibly the last thing he expected to find on a secluded beach at the edge of Texas





	1. Chapter 1

"Enjoy your vacation, Lil' Jaaay!"

Those final words from Gavin spun like an endless wheel in Jeremy's head, making his fingers tighten on the steering wheel and his eyes narrow.  
" _Liiiiil' Jaaaaay_." He sneered, rolling his eyes. "I should've snapped his desk in half again for good measure."  
Geoff had sent him on an obligatory vacation, citing his lack of days off and overly enthusiastic work ethics. Regardless of previously being a ravenous Achievement Hunter fanboy, Jeremy was too hard a worker to slack off for even a single moment. While that made the rest of the crew happy on every other occasion, once legalities came in, he was out the door with a swift kick to the rear.  
To add a little incentive, Jack let slip that he'd recently come to own a beach house, inherited from an estranged uncle, that he was more than happy to let the Lad borrow. It was situated on a isolated inlet about thirty minutes from Corpus Christi. Jeremy would have ample privacy to do whatever he wanted for a solid week and a half, far away from his home in Austin.  
He'd be lying to himself if he said he weren't dreading it.

After driving for what felt like years, Jeremy spotted the dilapidated sign that pointed towards his secluded island escape. His car shuddered over poorly maintained gravel paths. He coaxed it along, watching rocks turn to sand, brush, and gently lapping water. The sunset looked stunning, painting the horizon in a wash of creamy orange, silken pink, and soothing baby blue. Jeremy sighed. At least the view was gorgeous.  
Pulling beside the house, he eyed his quarters up and down. It was a two story building with a single bedroom upstairs, a massive generator, running water, the works. Jack had said his uncle was a hermit of sorts and spent a lot of his time here, suping up his island escape until it was perfect. While the outside of the house left much to be desired, being a bit chipped and drab, the inside was a bachelor's paradise. Every corner was outfitted for maximum lounging, the TV was the perfect size, the refrigerator was stocked with at least five different types of alcohol, and so much more.  
Jeremy wasted no time in unpacking, setting up his beloved XBox and hunkering down with a chilled beer. He played well into the night, until the sky outside was the deepest blue and dotted with stars. Stifling a yawn, he stumbled upstairs into bed, collapsing face first into the mattress. He was in no rush to get anything done, especially on his first day in exile.  
"Maybe solitary confinement won't be so bad," Jeremy muttered to himself, flipping the lights off and crawling under the covers. "I can keep this up for ten more days, no problem."  
With that, he fell asleep.

The next morning, he woke up to the smell of salt and sand. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and stumbled downstairs, whipping up an easy omlette and eating it directly from the pan. He sat down, still in his pajamas, and played GTA V until his fingers cramped. Shaking off the pain, he decided that a quick explorative adventure was in order. Slipping into a tank top and swim trunks, he stepped outside and into the sun.  
The heat wasn't as bad as he expected, the water supplying the perfect breeze. He walked along the shore, admiring the surf to one side and almlst jungle-like shrubbery to the other. Part of him groaned for having not brough headphones to kill the silence but he quickly decided some time with nature would clear his lungs and his mind. He followed the water's edge until the beach house nearly disappeared behind him.  
"Hello-- what the fuck is that little treasure trove?"  
Jeremy squinted in the afternoon sun. Nestled in the brush, nearly impossible to spot, was a small cove. It was dome-like in shape, made of almost alien-looking rocks that caught the sunlight and glimmered in an array of colors. The beach bent to its will, swallowed by the cove's mouth, funneling water inside. Jeremy sped up his pace, jogging across the sand.  
"What a fucking badass spot-- I could have lunch here tomorrow and feel like a fucking adventurer or something!"  
When Jeremy got closer, his awe grew tenfold. The rocks that formed the tiny cove's walls and ceiling looked almost unnatural. Up close, the stone was incredibly smooth and almost blindingly reflective. Jeremy traced the surface, amazed to find it was comfortably warm. He turned the corner, his feet digging into the wet sand, and nearly gasped out loud.  
Reclining against the far wall, waist deep in the crystal blue water, was a man.  
He had feathery sandy hair that curled off his neck and smooth porcelain skin. When Jeremy stepped closer, the stranger's eyes popped open, revealing a pair of startling blue irises. There was a beat of silence when their gazes met.  
Suddenly, the man dove under the water. There was a violent splash, making Jeremy stumble, then nothing at all.

As he walked back to the beach house, dejected, Jeremy ran the image through his head over and over. Those striking eyes, that broad muscled chest, perfectly coifed hair and expertly maintained beard. He seemed to have walked out of the Lad's dreams and onto this beach where nothing made sense and everything felt like a dream.  
"I'll go back tomorrow," Jeremy thought aloud, running a hand through his hair. "I'll bring something as a peace offering, like a fucking alien emissary-- what the hell am I saying?? Maybe I slipped and hit my head and imagined all that shit. Maybe loneliness is making me hallucinate, maybe--"  
Jeremy stopped. He pulled a tiny stone out of his hair and inspected it closer.  
It wasn't a stone at all. It was a tooth. Or at least a fragment of a tooth.  
With his eyes nearly bulging out of his head, Jeremy scrambled to hide the prize in a safe spot, tucking it gently into his wallet. It was official-- tomorrow, he'd have an adventure.  
Tomorrow, he'd make this godforsaken trip worthwhile.

At exactly 12:00pm on the dot the next day, Jeremy threw the door open and strutted onto the beach, his head held high. He was a big fan of adventure, especially ones that felt almost fantasy-like. He gripped his picnic basket with pride (he'd found it shoved into a cabinet in the kitchen) and set off across the sand.  
As he crept nearer and nearer to the cove, his heart beat faster and faster. He swore under his breath, having just realized he'd remembered his wallet but forgot his phone, but decided it was far too late and he was in too deep. Pressing his back to the rocks, he slowly rounded the corner, peering inside.  
He got a better look this time, taking in the surprisingly deep pool sheltered under a roof of stone. The water reflected shimmering light that painted the cove in an array of blues and greens. Just looking inside made Jeremy feel like he was miles under the ocean.  
Sure enough, the strange man was reclining at the far end of the pool, warily eyeing his guest. He watched as Jeremy set down his picnic basket and raised his hands in a show of trust.  
"I promise I won't hurt you. I come in peace," Jeremy soothed. He looked closer, noticing the narrow slits arching along the man's neck and his pointed ears that stuck up through a shock of hair. "I come bearing gifts-- food, good food things. Snacks!"  
"I could smell you from a mile away."  
Jeremy jumped. The man's voice was a dark baritone that seemed to fill his lungs.  
"I just took a shower--"  
"You smell unnatural. I could smell coming before I could even see you."  
Jeremy shuffled awkwardly in place, unsure how to respond. The man cocked his eyebrows, tilting his head toward the picnic basket.  
"You said something about food?"  
"What? Oh! Yeah, sorry, hold on!"  
Jeremy rooted around, pulling out a bottle of beer and a ham and cheese sandwich. The man swam closer. Just beneath the water's surface, Jeremy noticed a long tail with grey and white skin.  
"Is that beer?" The man spoke up.  
"Yeah, is that--"  
"I hate alcohol. It tastes like bile."  
Before Jeremy could respond, the man reached out and snatched up the sandwich, biting into it without a second thought. He chewed thoughtfully, nodding to himself.  
"It's been a while since I've had human food," He smacked his lips. Jeremy caught glimpses of impossibly sharp teeth. "Bread tastes surprsingly good. Definitely a nice break from cold raw fish."  
Jeremy watched, enraptured, as the man downed the sandwich, only to hold his hand out for more. The Lad panicked, handing him an open bag of chips.  
"These are fine, though I prefer salt and vinegar over plain."  
Jeremy waited until the man was halfway through the bag before he settled down on the sand, dipping his legs into the water. The stranger watched carefully, munching on his snack.  
"So uh. Hi?"  
"Hello."  
Jeremy huffed through his nose before he could catch himself.  
"This is definitely one of the weirdest fucking things I've ever experienced."  
"You don't run into many mermen where you come from?"  
Mermen. _Mermen?_  
"For real?" Jeremy spluttered.  
"What the fuck else would I be, huh?" The merman replied, rolling his eyes.  
"I dunno, a really dedicated cosplayer?!"  
"A dedicated what?"  
Jeremy ran a hand down his face. Jack had never said a damn thing about a merman or any other supernatural happenings. He'd barely even said anything about his estranged uncle either. He'd known all of this had smelled like bullshit. He just never expected that bullshit to also be supernatural.  
"Do you have any other food?"  
Jeremy shook himself from his thoughts. His hand shot out, protecting the basket.  
"I might. Tell me who you are first." He demanded.  
"I'm someone who could tear you limb from limb if you don't give me what's in that basket."  
"I'm gonna need a better answer than that, wise guy." Jeremy tried to hide the trembling in his voice.  
"... Ryan. At least that's what I call myself."  
Jeremy narrowed his eyes, only to get a scowl full of fangs in return. He quickly threw open the basket, handing over a second sandwich with bacon, lettuce and tomato. Ryan opened it up, tossing away the tomato, and took a huge bite.  
"Do you live here?" Jeremy asked, only to be cut off as the merman raised his hand.  
"I'm done talking for today. Bring me more food tomorrow and maybe I'll share more," Ryan held up the remains of his sandwich, flapping it for emphasis. "No tomatoes next time. More bacon. Another ham and cheese. French fries instead of chips."  
Jeremy went to argue, only to receive a brisk splash to the face as Ryan swam off. He let loose a string of curses at the merman's vanishing silhouette. Picking himself up off the sand, he snatched up his basket and started making his way back home.  
"Fucking bossing me around," Jeremy muttered, kicking the sand as he huffed. "'No tomato, more bacon'-- who the fuck does he think he is?! And what kinda fucking merman names himself _Ryan_?!"  
With a frustrated grunt, Jeremy made his way to the beach house, throwing open the door and immediately grabbing a beer from the fridge. He downed nearly the entire bottle in two gulps, wiping the froth from his mouth with a gasp.  
"I'll show that asshole. I'll show that fantasy creature dickwad who's boss."


	2. Chapter 2

Jeremy set out the next morning on a mission, head held high, with the orchestral cover of the Halo theme blaring on his phone's speakers. He'd filled the picnic basket up with passive aggressive warheads for his newfound fishy friend.  
When the cove popped up in his range of sight, Jeremy picked up the pace, hastily jogging across the sand. It was barely midday and he really had no need to rush but adrenaline was marching too briskly through his veins.  
"Ry-an!" He called, ducking inside. "I'm ba-aack!"  
The merman was absentmindedly swimming just below the water's surface. There was a cave beneath the sand, leaving enough room to house an entire family of mermen if need be. Jeremy watched, transfixed. Ryan swam with grace and power, the muscles in his back working hard to nail pinpoint turns. His arms flexed in the sparse light, his tail twisting and swaying in perfect synchronization. Suddenly, he rose to the surface, making Jeremy jump back against the wall.  
"Morning, human." The merman's voice was just as bassy as it'd been before.  
"Jeremy."  
"Sure. Food?"  
With a mischievous grin, Jeremy bowed, rifling through his basket and handing over the first item. Ryan didn't even hesitate, sinking his teeth into the sandwich, only to reel back in horror.  
"What the fuck is this?!" He barked.  
"You said ham and cheese but you didn't specify," Jeremy replied, sitting on the sand and languidly resting against the stone. "So I made it with cheese whiz today."  
Scandalized, Ryan threw the sandwich over his shoulder, reaching out with his hand and beckoning with his fingers. Jeremy offered him a plate of what looked like fries. The merman beamed from ear to ear, snatching up a handful and shoving them into his mouth, only to immediately spit them out.  
"French fry potatoe chips." Jeremy crooned.  
Before he could react, Ryan practically threw himself out of the water, his torso splaying across the sand as he grabbed at the picnic basket. He grabbed the BLT waiting inside, void of tomato, but now with ketchup and--  
"What the fuck is this now?!"  
"Turkey bacon. I made sure to add extra, just like to asked."  
Ryan was speechless for a moment before he threw his head back and laughed. It was hysterical, high and breathy, and his shoulders shook. Jeremy's heart pounded. It was horrifically dorky and undeniably adorable.  
"You're a clever little fucker, aren't you?" Ryan grinned, wiping a tear from his eye. "I'm thoroughly impressed. Most people just run when they see me."  
"You're not helping yourself with your whole 'holier than thou' attitude, not gonna lie."  
Ryan shrugged, propping up his chin on his hands.  
"Alright, you've caught my attention huma-- Jeremy. What do you want to know?"

The pair chatted for hours, until the sun began to kiss the horizon, and Jeremy's skin was pruney from being in the water for so long.  
"Okay, okay, last question--"  
"You said last question a while ago--"  
"No, this is the real last question, I promise."  
Ryan smiled and, for a moment, Jeremy thought he saw something more glimmering in his eyes.  
"Why do you hang out here?"  
The merman breathed in deep through his nose, making the gills on his neck flex and fold. He steepled his fingers together, eyes turning glassy and unfocused.  
"... Most merfolk, even around here, aren't.... Like me. Aren't sharks. They're... They're fanciful and whimsical and all that other fantasy bullshit. I'm... Fighty and sadistic. I get violent. Just the slightest hint of an altercation gets me going wild."  
For the first time, Jeremy really looked at the other man, noticing the scars that criscrossed his body. Beneath the water, he finally saw the damage done to his other half. A chunk of his caudal fin, the large fan at the end of his tail, was missing. His dorsal fin was frayed and a few distinctly mouth shaped scars lined his underbelly. A cold sadness began to collect in the pit of Jeremy's stomach.  
"Pattillo was a good friend," Ryan continued. "Estranged, a bit crazy... But he kept me company. When I learned that he passed, I was upset, but he said something about an heir to his home and I..."  
"Jack," Jeremy muttered. "Jack hasn't seen the place since his uncle died, though."  
"So I've been alone. It's probably for the better but..."  
Jeremy reached down, gripping the merman's shoulder. His skin was frigid and wet but the texture was extremely human-like.  
"I'm here for another week. We should cram as much time together as we possibly can, to chase away each other's loneliness, huh?"  
Ryan beamed, slow and gradual, covering the Lad's hand with his own.  
"I like that idea."  
With a grin, Jeremy picked himself up, dusting the sand from his rear and grabbing his basket. He put on a brave face, for the sake of his new found friend.  
"I'll be back early tomorrow, alright? I promise."  
Ryan nodded, offering him a thumb's up before sinking below the surface, no doubt retreating to get some well earned rest. Jeremy followed suit, beginning the walk back to the beach house. He ran a schedule through his head as he went, trying to decide what he could possibly manage to do with a fully aquatic shark man that would contend as fun. He had a lot of work ahead of him but the effort, he knew, would be nothing but worthwhile.

Jeremy woke at sunrise to the sound of violent knocking.  
He was out of bed in a flash, fully awake as soon as his feet hit the floor. As he galloped down the stairs, a million thoughts ran through his mind. Was it the police? Did local marine biologists find out about Ryan? Were they here to take him away? Would they cut off Ryan's head, mount his tail to a wall, and show him off in some demented museum?  
Jeremy didn't even put on a shirt before he threw open the door, only to reel back in shock.  
"Good morning! Sorry I got a bit impatient, I'm pretty bored by myself."  
Ryan was standing there on the steps, utterly nude and soaking wet. Before Jeremy looked away, he managed to catch a glimpse of long pale legs and human-looking feet.  
"Ryan?! How?! Why?! What?!"  
"Yeah, I totally forgot this was an option," Jeremy peeked through the slits of his fingers. Ryan was flushing across his nose and cheeks. "Merfolk are an old fucking species but we still have a few tricks up our metaphorical sleeves."  
Jeremy stepped back, silently inviting the merman inside. While Ryan looked around, the Lad located a towel for decency's sake.  
"I haven't been in here in a long while," Ryan mumbled, wrapping the towel around his waist. "Pattillo did some major renovations before he..."  
Ryan went quiet. He silently made his way to the kitchen, pouring a glass of water and downing it in a flash. When he was done, he flashed Jeremy a bright grin.  
"But that's the past. Do you have anything in mind?"  
"You ever play video games?"

"So you do this for a living?"  
Jeremy blinked owlishly. He'd zoned out watching Ryan play. The older man was gorgeous, even while doing the most mundane activities. Just a few hours ago, he'd happily watched Ryan peel potatoes for a potato salad, hypnotized by how masterfully the merman wielded a knife.  
"Yeah, me and uh a couple buddies play video games and get paid for it."  
"Why's that?"  
"Well," Jeremy chewed on his lower lip. Their conversations seemed to only have two settings-- goofy or existential. "I think... Because people wanna be happy and laughing makes them happy. And... So does seeing people you can relate to being happy."  
Ryan beamed, humming softly in agreement.  
"Companionship... That sounds nice."  
Staring at Ryan's profile, Jeremy for a moment imagined the tall and lean merman hunkering down in a chair, screeching into a headset as Gavin killed him over and over again. He could see him nonchalantly chatting up Michael at the end of the day, going out to lunch with Jack, having an earnest heart-to-heart with Geoff. The image settled nicely in the back of Jeremy's mind but it was a daydream and no more.  
Before Jeremy could reply, an alarm ripped through the air, sending the Lad almost flying out of his chair. Ryan giggled, leaning over to silence the clock.  
"Sorry, I set that right when I came in. I can't be out of the water for too long or I dry out."  
"Oh. We can still do this tomorrow though, right?"  
"Yeah, of course."  
Jeremy rose to lead his new friend to the door, only to falter when his brain caught up to him. He coughed awkwardly, feeling heat start to rise in his cheeks.  
"You uh... Probably shouldn't take those clothes with you. I-I'll fold them and put them by the door so you don't. Y'know. Assault me in the nude."  
Ryan nodded and began to strip.  
In his heart of hearts, Jeremy swore he wanted to look away but he couldn't help himself. Some sort of merman magic kept his eyes glued on target. He drank in the expanse of creamy pale skin, admiring a plane of well defined muscle. Ryan's back flexed as he pulled the shirt over his head and his fingers were so deft, so sure. When his shorts came off, Jeremy almost swore, having never seen such a perfectly scuplted ass in all of his life. It was only when Ryan turned around did Jeremy finally summon the strength to look away, suddenly enraptured by the ceiling.  
"You don't have a thing."  
"A what?"  
"A... Y'know."  
"... A penis?"  
"Yes, Ryan. Yes, a penis."  
Smirking playfully, Ryan leaneded in until their noses touched. His breath came as a hot wave over Jeremy's face.  
"If I didn't keep it tucked away, your heart would drop out your ass."  
Before Ryan pulled back, he made sure to nuzzle at the Lad's cheek. Their beards caught like velcro, making Jeremy whimper. With that, Ryan left.  
Jeremy, unable to fight his impulses anymore, followed.  
He watched as Ryan sauntered down the beach, sinking below the waves. His thighs, his waist, his chest, his shoulders, all disappeared beneath the water. After a few beats, he burst through the surface, his body and tail curving in a perfect arch. The spray caught the moonlight, making the air glow with an etheral light. He dove swiftly beneath the waves, silent as the night.  
That night, Jeremy dreamt of a pair of strong arms holding him as he floated across an endless ocean in the stars.

**Author's Note:**

> psst I have an art blog over at drawy-things.tumblr.com where i frequently post achievement hunter bullshit if you wanna pop on over and say hi  
> comments and kudos always appreciated


End file.
